People are always asking Chucky why it’s soooo easy to defeat him when it comes to picking games. His answer is simple: Chucky’s knowledge of future events is so profound he has to hold back in order to avoid a breakdown in basic social services.
NAPOLEON @ MICHIGAN CENTER (GIRLS): The Cardinals bring in former Lions coach Jim Schwartz to provide some inspiration, but he angers all the players by slapping them roughly on the back. Also, it’s reiterated that he really wasn’t that good of a coach and thus has nothing to say. PICK: MICHIGAN CENTER
HANOVER-HORTON @ EAST JACKSON (GIRLS): The Comets use teams of sled dogs to make the trek east for the game but are derailed when a descendant of Balto leads the way and the entire squad ends up in Anchorage. (Google ‘Balto’ kids.) PICK: EAST JACKSON
MASON @ NORTHWEST (GIRLS): The Lady Mounties play in one of the toughest conferences in the state but do so armed with delicious salted pretzels. In a new twist, Mountie staff members decide to create one big, forty foot long pretzel (rather than a bunch of smaller ones) and charge people $1 to take a bite. PICK: NORTHWEST
WESTERN @ WAVERLY (GIRLS): The Panthers, still angry over being behind Waverly in alphabetical order (WA-verly over WE-stern, get it?) exact a small modicum of revenge. Plus, Chucky got to use the word ‘modicum.’ PICK: WESTERN
(Friday night)
EAST JACKSON @ NAPOLEON: The Trojans have struggled this season, and only by tapping into the power of the Polar Vortex can they hope to snag this road win. Sadly, no one really knows what the Polar Vortex is or where it came from. PICK: NAPOLEON
HANOVER-HORTON @ MANCHESTER: Seahawk cornerback Richard Sherman is on hand to deliver a pregame pep-talk to the teams and the crowd. The scene turns ugly when he finds out everyone IS talking about him. He calls everyone ‘mediocre’ and ‘sorry’ and then storms out. PICK: HANOVER-HORTON
JACKSON @ LANSING EVERETT: Jackson’s Vikings grow tired of sharing the ‘Vikings’ nickname with Everett, and announce before the game that school’s new moniker will be the ‘Wildwoodians.’ PICK: EVERETT
LUMEN CHRISTI @ CHARLOTTE: The Titans Khari Willis has been hobbled by a sprained ankle, but it’s recently discovered that even on one ankle he’s better than most other players. Chucky challenges him to a game of one-on-one to test that theory, and is thoroughly pummeled. PICK: LUMEN CHRISTI
MASON @ NORTHWEST: Mountie fan and local barber Dick Borden is on hand to cheer the squad on and offer shaves and haircuts. He leaves saddened when he realizes none of the kids today know the value of ‘two bits.’ PICK: NORTHWEST