By Brad Flory
JTV
Rules of etiquette, ceremonial custom, and party planning leave no social figure more ignored than the father of the groom. He is an afterthought, if he’s given any thought at all.
This is no outrage.
Fathers imagine and prepare themselves for a daughter’s wedding day, if for no other reason than the frightening financial implications.
During the 24 years of my son’s lifetime, I spent exactly zero minutes and zero seconds imagining his wedding and what I might do to make it special. Perhaps this makes me a rotten parent, but I suspect it is the same with almost every father and son. Fathers and sons spend more time planning oil changes than weddings.
Then one day a son gets married and the poor father has no clear idea what to do. For me, that day was May 26, 2018.
My wife and I arrived 48 hours early to the city where our son’s wedding took place, figuring our help would be needed. This was true for my wife, but not so much for me. Until the rehearsal dinner, nothing was penciled in on my agenda.
“Anyone need breakfast? I can buy bagels,” I’d say, hoping to appear useful.
The mother of the bride was very charming and seemed concerned that I might feel left out. She considered it wrong that I was not on the list of males wearing tuxedos. I repeatedly assured her that I don’t want to dress in a tuxedo, ever, unless under strict orders from my wife or an officer of the law. I have owned a perfectly fine gray suit since 2007, and I wanted to wear it once.
Over the wedding weekend I became quite expert on my role. To help others, I present Flory’s Complete Rules of Society for the Father of the Groom.
- Buy people drinks.
- If you see a woman in the wedding party, always say, “You look beautiful! I love your hair!”
- Do not embarrass yourself, your son, or your side of the family by doing any of those stupid things you usually do.
That’s it. The complete rules are three rules.
Anyway, it was a lovely wedding and I did not plan anything, which was a huge bonus.
My son is the third straight generation of Flory males who married a woman after attending Central Michigan University with her, which must be close a record. I tried to remember what my dad and fellow CMU graduate did at my wedding, but I cannot, which means he must have done his job right.
The only thing I recall is the sentiment my father expressed immediately after my wedding day. “Your friends seem like very heavy drinkers,” he said.
Spoken like a man who just paid the bar bill, the honorable father of the groom.