JTV Sports

People are always asking Chucky why it’s soooo easy to defeat him when it comes to picking games. His answer is simple: Chucky’s knowledge of future events is so profound he has to hold back in order to avoid a breakdown in basic social services. NAPOLEON @ MICHIGAN CENTER (GIRLS): The Cardinals bring in former Lions coach Jim Schwartz to provide some inspiration, but he angers all the players by slapping them roughly on the back. Also, it’s reiterated that he really wasn’t that good of a coach and thus has nothing to say. PICK: MICHIGAN CENTER HANOVER-HORTON @ EAST JACKSON (GIRLS): The Comets use teams of sled dogs to make the trek east for the game but are derailed when a descendant of Balto leads the way and the entire squad ends up in Anchorage. (Google ‘Balto’ kids.) PICK: EAST JACKSON MASON @ NORTHWEST (GIRLS): The Lady Mounties play in one of the toughest conferences in the state but do so armed with delicious salted pretzels. In a new twist, Mountie staff members decide to create one big, forty foot long pretzel (rather than a bunch of smaller ones) and charge people $1 to take a bite. PICK: NORTHWEST…

Chucky is seeing things a lot clearer these days. Recently outfitted with an incredibly ridiculous-looking sleep apnea machine, ‘ol Chuck is spending a lot of time in REM sleep. As a bit of a joke, his wife switched the distilled water in the machine with liquid helium. When Chucky woke up, he was floating precariously close to Cuban air space and in danger of being shot down. (1/14) JONESVILLE @ CONCORD – In order to spice things up, both teams play one-handed, while in the other hand they carry a walking taco from the concession stand. PICK: JONESVILLE MASON @ WESTERN – Mason fans are still angry over a recent prank in their fine town, when someone climbed up the water tower and painted the name ‘Perry’ in front of the word Mason. The joke was on the prankster, though, when it was later revealed no one remembered who Perry Mason was. PICK: WESTERN SPRINGPORT @ LUMEN CHRISTI (GIRLS) – The Lady Titans and Lady Spartans get together in a good, old fashioned matchup of mythical Greek Gods and some elite warriors. The Springport girls wear fake beards during the game to emulate King Leonidas. The Titans, however, are not…